FunFlipChick89
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Name: Joanna
Gender: Female


Interests: Life and the beauty of it.
Expertise: Analyzing.
Occupation: Student


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Member Since: 3/8/2004

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Monday, December 11, 2006

I think... I'm done.


Thursday, November 30, 2006

After seeing the doctor...

Diagnosis: No physical activity for 5 days. REST & DRUGS.

 

Upside: free time, and knowing that I won’t live the rest of my life with twisted elbows, worn out shoulder and overworked back.

 

Downside: Boredom, and just feeling like I’m wasting my time when I could be practicing or learning new techniques.

 

-_- I feel so useless.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Dear me my body’s broken. Ugh. This is what I get for not listening to my dad. Last week, I bruised my shoulder muscle then last night, I went to class and lo and behold we had punching/blocking day. 100 punches! 100 down blocks! Middle blocks! High blocks! Outside-in blocks! Oh and some more! Jumping back fist! Elbow strike! Then, when everyone couldn’t even hold their arms up, roundhouse kicks! Tornado kicks! Reverse side kicks! Jumping reverse side kicks! Needless to say, my body was sore and tired and my arm lacked any sort of feeling… at all. It just hung there, limp.

 

After class, I wanted to do Sparring Class also. Warm ups? I was fine. Drills? I was NOT fine. Knee to chest jumping, front snap kicks and knee kicks 60 each. Have you ever gotten that feeling when you just cannot lift up your legs to even walk and sitting down hurts too much and you’re stuck standing there leaning on the wall gasping for breath only to realize that you’re sparring gear is on too tight and its stopping your oxygen from circulating and your head is starting to spin because you helmet is becoming a burden and your master is yelling at you to start on the next drill? It was sort of like that. Then after a little yelling on defense and offense, we spar!

 

Somehow no girl went to class so I was left to spar with my brother. He’s way bigger than me by the way, and definitely weighs more. Anyway, so we start. All’s fairly well until I faked, he fell for it, I kicked, he kicked, we kicked at the same time but his foot got caught on my inner thigh and PAIN! I backed off, tested for an opening, got one and struck! Yey point! But I think he got mad because he threw kick after kick after kick and next thing I know I’m backed up in a corner, barely able to stop giving him points. Chris is yelling at me to get out of the corner, so I try and try and finally I see an opening and tried to run… then bang! I ran right into his knee… with my shoulder!!! I sort of lean over from the pain and then pushed BJ away with a side kick. Point. Round 1 done. Round 2 and 3 were of the same caliber. I score a few points but I get battered. His kicks are way stronger and even though I’m faster and am winning the points, his kicks were killing me and stealing my energy from blocking and oxygen from the impact. Although I won, I got owned. What’s more? Master Cheon was completely disappointed in my match. He said I wasn’t strategizing and was trying to fight his power with power when I should have used my speed. Ugh.

 

I come home and my dad sees my battered body and specifically my black and blue shoulder… punishment? NO TKD FOR A WEEK! Ahh!!! So here I am, trying to go to sleep because I know I need it, but my mind is WIDE AWAKE.

 

WIDE AWAKE… WIDE AWAKE… WIDE AWAKE…


Sunday, November 19, 2006

Stapled Stars

 

Stapled Stars

And a consciously tied belt.

I bounce to your rhythm

And strike to your beat.

 

I move on your signal,

And scream for your approval.

I fight on your whim,

And win for your happiness.

 

Regardless of my consciously tied belt,

I will fight for you.

Regardless of my stapled stars,

I will fight for you.

 

For your happiness, is my happiness.

For your smile, is my smile.

I will fight for you, Dear one.

I will fight for you.

 

Isn't it true?


Sunday, November 12, 2006

My first real-life black belt test came last Friday… What do you do when you’re locked inside a car with a potentially violent man? What do you do when said man is yelling at you? What do you do when said man has your wrist in a death grip? What do you do when said man is refusing to let you leave? Do you know? I didn’t.

 

A part of me wanted to punch him and break his hand for even touching me, but another part of me didn’t want to hurt him at all. That part, wanted to ease his pain, wanted to help. But at that moment, when I felt so helpless and so scared, he was hurting me and I did what any sane person would do… I tried talking to him.  At first no words came, I was too scared. Then slowly, I was able to talk and look him in the eye. Then I was able to leave.

 

This time, I KNOW it wasn’t my fault. Thinking back on it, I’m not scared anymore. Just angry. How can you assume to know me so well? How can you assume you have the right to yell at me? Curse me? & call me names? You don’t. All those things you said hurt. A lot. How dare you? How dare you!?! & you even had the guts to try and sweet talk me? Saying you need me? Saying you love me? You even had the stupidity of insulting all that I care for! What is honestly wrong with you? You think that you can call a woman a bitch and expect her to take you back? You think that just because you drove all the way to my house to apologize means I’ll forgive you? You think I’m that stupid? Sorry if I don’t fall for your stupid antics. Sorry that I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Sorry I even bothered.

 

From this moment on, you don’t exist. As much as you call me 75 times a day and leave 75 messages and 75 voicemails I won’t pick up or bother. I don’t need a person in my life willing to hurt me for the stupidest reasons. Don’t ever try to make contact with me again. Because if you do. I swear I will hurt you. You think I got my black belt because I paid my master for it? What are you a complete idiot? I will make sure you can never hurt anyone ever again. I won’t hold back and I won’t care even if the next time I see you you’re dying in a hospital bed because you have a broken neck and punctured lungs. I WON’T CARE EVEN IF YOU DIE. NOW LEAVE ME BE AND HAVE A NICE LIFE.

 

Glad I got that off my chest. =]



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